Being Small

A few weeks ago, Rich and I had the opportunity to spend a couple of days @primlandresort. Primland is located on 12,000 acres in the middle of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Dan, Virginia. From the entry gate, it's a 6 mile trek up to the lodge. When I say it’s big, I mean it’s BIG! We planned this trip last year, and as it got closer neither us felt like we could take the time away. Rich had just started his new job and I was wrapping things up at the studios. One of the things that struck me about the hiking trails at Primland (as opposed to our favorite hiking spots in WV) was the vastness of it. I have a natural fear of heights and walking out onto an overlook (along with a 190 heart rate and nausea), I had this overwhelming feeling of "being small." Now this is not be confused with "feeling small." Feeling small is that place we come to when we tell ourselves that BS story that we aren't good enough, smart enough, rich enough, pretty enough, thin enough ,or (insert adjective) enough. It's when we feel inferior or "less than" because of some external circumstances (yes, humans can be mean with their actions and words). I don't even know the emotion associated with feeling small, but for me it's when I feel embarrassed or ashamed or that I lack whatever I think I need to feel that I matter. This feeling that I had in the middle of the Blue Ridge Mountains was something different. I told myself before this trip that I simply didn't have time, that there were too many other things that needed to be done, and that I didn't deserve to get away. The truth is all of those things were the stories I told myself to avoid what I really needed. What I really needed was to stand on top of a mountain in the middle of 12,000 acres and hear God's voice say, "In the grand scheme of things, all your worries are small in comparison to what I have in store for you." In the middle of those mountains, I rediscovered a sense of my existence. Being just a tiny human in the middle of nowhere gave me a new perspective that while my worries and troubles have merit, my tiny spirit knows its worth. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." There will always be external circumstances that will cause us to question our worth. It's up to us to take care of ourselves, to love ourselves, and to feed ourselves in ways that help us change our perspective when we are feeling small. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be small on that mountain because it reminded me of my worth. This big world needs all of our tiny spirits to make it a better place. And any time you need a reminder that you matter, feel my trembling hand squeezing yours out on that overlook. I know you’ve got me.